I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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