so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
