He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
