I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
