the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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