dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
