yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
