im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Randomize
