he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You're like the curious george of whores
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
