Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
