dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
