Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Your penis caused this!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
