I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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