i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
