I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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