I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Randomize
