im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
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