you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Randomize
