my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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