I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Dick very happy bro
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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