So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
