if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
