I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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