Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
