I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
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