i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
