Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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