youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
