I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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