We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
