Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Pińatas plus fireworks don't mix well
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
