just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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