Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
