why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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