Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
