ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
