If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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