"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I've blown a few things in my day
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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