wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
