i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
