so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
