i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
