I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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