I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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