Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
