fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Randomize
