Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I AM VODKA MAN
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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