My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
