so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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