its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
