im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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