Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Randomize
