so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So here I am, sexting at work.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
