Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...

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(907): View more from Alaska

i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me

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(785): View more from Kansas

a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class

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(828): View more from North Carolina

Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...

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(303): View more from Colorado

If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.

Fav 56 14264 1988
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(780): View more from Alberta, CA

I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.

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(563): View more from Iowa

I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.

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(818): View more from California

Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?

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(310): View more from California

Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.

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