You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
