Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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