Just took my morning after pill in the library
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
