Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
