i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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