I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
