When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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