i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
