Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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