Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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