I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
