one two three fourrrrnication!
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
