Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize
