I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
