Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
