She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I cut my penus on the lid.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
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Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
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I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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