I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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