i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Kareoke will never be a sober sport
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
